House Hunting

On a whim today I stopped at a house that was for rent/sale. I have passed this particular dwelling frequently and each time I try to convince myself that I like it, as it is positioned in such close proximity to friends/work that it would be a shame not to at least look into moving there.

As fate would have it I was taking a walk at the same time that the owner of the vacant home was outside "fixing it up." Not one to ignore such clear signals, I approached him spewing some generic banter about the great neighborhood, and he responded with suspicious enthusiasm.

Not having moved from the sidewalk (who am I kidding, this is not Hosmer, there are no sidewalks), I was immediately concerned with his insistence that he was "an honest man." In fact, no more honest a man could likely be found in all the land. He even offered to provide me a list of those who would be willing to attest to this. I was perplexed, wondering if in someway my chatter had indicated to him that I found him untrustworthy. In any case, the more he spoke, the less I believed.

Still trying to talk myself into a business deal with the "honest" man, he offered me a tour and I readily agreed. One step through the front door was enough to set me straight.

I should say for the record that our friends live only two buildings down from this house, and they have the CUTEST place!

This place was awful. That is no exaggeration. It was OH MY GOD, Where is the Hidden Camera, AWFUL.

The fireplace had not been cleaned since the Korean War (more on that conflict later). There were randomly placed dry-walled walls with wood paneling that failed to stretch floor to ceiling. The division between the kitchen and the dining room consisted of a wall with an opening cut out about counter level, and wood shutters, which were permanently shut and which did not completely fill the opening in height.

The bathroom had a pink tub that was likely too small for a footbath and a sink cabinet with mismatched doors. The lighting was poor, the cabinets did not close properly and that bathroom fixtures were rusted.

The best part was the kitchen itself. Try if you can to imagine this:
To the right there is a side-by-side refrigerator (which the "landlord" humorously, and appropriately, called a "double wide") seated against a short section of counters that formed a corner. As you round the corner the counter is interrupted by the oldest stove I have ever seen, which is pressed neatly against - wait for it- a dryer! The dryer is, of course, next to the washer. All in the tiny kitchen!

The landlord suggested that if we were interested he would happily help us install a plastic partition for the purpose of keeping any cooking grease off of the clean clothes. A practical solution!

It seems the gentleman who last lived in this place was a bit bizarre, as when I toured the "storage area" located under the "car port" (read: slats over driveway), it was infested with crickets. Noticing my frightened reaction, "Dwayne" explained that the former tenant bred (?) the insects to sell as fishing bait.

Needless to say, we are staying put on Overland.