Scared to near-death

Everyone has those moments where their entire life flashes before their eyes. A moment when you are caught between the panic of the second and the stark realization that you are not in control. Often those moments come with slamming brakes and screeching tires or abnormal test results from a lab. No matter how long the period of uncertainty lasts, seconds while you regain control of the car, or days while you wait for the all-clear from a doctor, the fear that you are filled with is more real than most emotions you feel in the course of a day.

I had one such moment this morning, which in words on a page may sound small and silly - but just try to imagine explaining to someone the fear you felt when you almost got side-swiped on the highway. Strong emotions are hard to convey.

As you are all aware, we have a storefront area attached to our house which we use as a rec room, and which has an outside entrance. While getting ready for work this morning I was in that room getting pants off of a drying rack when I heard what sounded like someone messing with the doorknob. I immediately assumed that it was another animal scurrying somewhere in the room, which made me uncomfortable and anxious to get out! As I quickly surveyed my clothing options the noise was continuing, only it became clear that it was not an animal, but was absolutely someone at the door. I stopped for one second thinking that maybe there was a rational explanation - someone was selling something or delivering something; but it was 7:00 in the morning and, even if it weren't, a delivery person does not try to open your door.

Then complete panic set in. The person was obviously having trouble getting the door open. The awkward fumbling was getting louder and I ran as fast as I could toward the main part of the house thinking that if the person had a gun or weapon I would be safer on the other side of the particle-board door - the side where Bryan was, and my animals, and my phone. As I got to the landing of the stairs the door came opened and something made me pause and turn around to look. All I could think was that if we were going to be robbed I wanted to know what the person looked like. With my hand on the door at the top of the stairs I turned around in what seemed to be slow motion only to see BRYAN, who had evidently left our house through the front door and come back in through the Rec Room door to get his bike.

The whole thing lasted maybe 90 seconds, but I cannot remember a time in my adult life that I have felt as scared. I yelled at Bryan and then ran to the bathroom and cried.

It was exhausting and I have felt a little uneasy all day.